weak

"Only give heed to yourself and keep your soul diligently, so that you do not forget the things which your eyes have seen and they do not depart from your heart all the days of your life..." (Deuteronomy 4:9)



"keep your soul diligently" - this is something that I have found the Lord continually bringing to the surface of my mind, but yet find it such a struggle to be so diligent in this manner. It is so incredibly easy to allow 'life' to get in the way of my relationship with the Lord. It is one of those things that just seems inevitable, in spite of how much I fight it. I am aware of the fact that in my life there are various facets to what causes this to occur. Constant communion with the Lord is something that I would describe as being one of my most passionate aims as a child of God, but the world so often seems to overtake me. I think it is best described in analogy to music getting louder to an extent where all you can hear is the music and everything else is blocked out...i think for me, 'the world', 'life' is like this music - I still recognize the presence of all the other stuff, namely God (i.e. my relationship with Him) and my need for Him. I would not say that my desire for Him lessens any, but yet I am overcome. I feel as though I am just not moving forward as much as I would like to be - much like a plant that isn't fed or watered and thus never floursihes, but rather slowly withers away...I fear the withering...and even though it is something I am aware of, find it so hard, at times, to remain focused on the goal enough to achieve it. Certainly there are periods in life when I feel it has been achieved, but there are also those when it is lacking. It all seemed so easy when I was at Capernwray and at Green Valley Bible Centre (India), at a time when I found myself surrounded by fellow believers who I could talk to about such things and who would encourage me in my walk, but here at home I feel that I lack such relationships. It very well could be, in part, due to my lack of effort in this area, but nonetheless is something I need in my life to keep me moving forward. I know I need the Lord and that without Him life is utterly meaningless and all things I do will be done in futility. I am thankful for His patience with me and for His awesomely abundant mercy and grace in this area of my life that I cannot even begin to understand. I am thankful that though I am weak, He IS my strength! What a gift, what a blessing that I can find strength in Him to carry me through each day in my weakness! I am thankful that though I fail time and time again, that the Lord had chosen to save a wretch like me...talk about Amazing Grace! I am encouraged in knowing that His presence will never diminsh because His Life is Eternal!